In early June 2019 I noticed swallowing problems upon waking up. No, that's not right, let's try again. In early June 2019 I noticed that swallowing led to distinct crackling sounds in my left ear; the only reason why I associated it with waking up was because that's when my senses were the most alert. I had previously been feeling itches inside there but had no success when trying to fully satisfy them with my pinky or a cotton swab. Curious to find out the cause, I scheduled an appointment with an otorhinolaryngologist.
I sat on a backless chair and the doctor looked inside my left ear with her instrument that looked like a dentist drill. Within a few seconds, she said that I've got a cerumen (earwax) deposit inside there. She immediately proceeded to pick it out in a fairly uncomfortable procedure that felt like I had my head stuck in a tub of glue while somebody was churning it. It was very tiresome for me and the doctor, who managed to endure 5 minutes before scheduling another appointment; I was sweating at the end of it. What did she find? Take a look; the upper gauze shows her failed attempts to fish it out (click the image for the 1.47 MB, 1920x2560px version).
I shouted in surprise when I saw it. She advised immediate checkup of the right ear too and suggested I don't dawdle with this; the cerumen deposit can cause an infection. She said I should come next week and in the meantime pour in paraffinum liquidum (paraffin oil) three times a day into my right ear but then whispered, "Just pour in as much as you can handle". I bought 20ml of this clear, oily liquid at the pharmacy for something like 0,50€.
After coming back next week, I was more prepared for the challenge. I had been using paraffin oil but the problem was it completely clogged the ear canal and would awkwardly drip out on its own for hours after I applied it. There didn't seem to be any favorable effect from using it either. I decided to cradle my head in my hands if need be since the doctor needed the ear to be as still as possible.
I was again back in the same chair, except facing the opposite way. I tilted my head and cradled it in my hands. The doctor wasn't happy with my paraffin oil application and poured in some hydrogen peroxide. I heard it bubbling and sizzling inside the ear. After a few minutes and a couple tugs, the right ear was clean too (click the image for the 1.43 MB, 2560x1920px version).
This time around, I touched the deposit; it was rock-solid. I tried to cut off a piece of it with my fingernails but couldn't do it, no matter how hard I squeezed. It turned out the crackling sounds and itchiness in my ear were due to the deposit growing so big that any swallowing or chewing motion made it touch the sides of the ear canal. In fact, I was actually feeling the deposits on both sides all the time, except I willingly ignored them. The doctor advised coming back for a checkup at least twice a year, if not more often. She emphasized that cleaning out the ear canal before the deposit grows this big is the most optimal solution.
I also asked her for the best way to clean my ears and she said, "After showering, take a towel, wet one of its corners and wipe the cerumen pouring out of the ear canal. Push it as far as it goes and just clean whatever you can reach. Don't use cotton swabs or fingers, it just pushes the earwax in." I also asked if it's safe to do a trick I was taught in elementary school, the one where I close my mouth and nose and blow until I feel relief in the ears and she said that's an excellent idea, since it "cleans the canals". Her diagnosis stated "all anatomic features of the ear present and clearly visible", which made me happy.
It cost 55€ total. I was later watching the Red Letter Media video published April 21, 2015 titled "Half in the Bag: Unfriended and Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2" when they played a chime sound at 11m14s in the video; I discovered I could actually hear the tone slowly taper off for about 5 seconds, even after they resumed talking. I felt like I had superhuman hearing. Sadly, I subconsciously stuck my finger inside my ear canal a few times and the superpower disappeared.
Music started sounding richer too, and I discovered I could hear background layers much more distinctly. If you feel itchiness, ringing, crackling and discomfort in your ear, go check it out, you'll thank me later. Don't push anything inside the ear and simply wipe off the cerumen that comes pouring out.